WHO: Decluttering My Life From the Inside Out

"Present over perfect. Quality over quantity. Relationship over rushing. People over pressure. Meaning over mania." - Shauna Niequist

I would like to start decluttering my life by decluttering the WHO just like I declutter my closet.

If you are following the popular Marie Kondo method, you go through each item one by one keeping only what sparks joy and tossing everything that does not bring you joy. We do this with our clothes so let's try to do this with our friends.

Now let’s get started.  Grab a piece of paper and a pen.  Go to your “closet” of friends, put them in a pile, and go through each one. Let’s go through them one by one and divide them into two categories: Friend and Defriend.  I actually go through my Facebook friends while doing this.

First, there’s that beautiful blue dress that’s perfect for your skin tone and always gives you the confidence to conquer the day. This is your friend that is your biggest cheerleader that always sends you the perfectly-timed “You can do it” text. Joy. FRIEND

Now let’s take a look at those black ballet flats. They look deceivingly comfortable, flexible, and drama-free, but they always rub the worst blisters on your feet. The blisters heal, and you wear them a few weeks later hoping they will work this time. These are the friends you want to keep in your life, but they hurt you over and over again. They cause nothing but drama and pain. No joy. DEFRIEND

Take out that incredible black dress that makes you look sensational, but you say you’re saving it for a special occasion that never comes. This is your amazing friend that you keep telling, “We definitely need to get together soon!” But “soon” never happens. Joy. FRIEND
{Add that person to your calendar right now. This week if possible.}

Back to your shoes. Those classic black pumps that always make you feel fabulous no matter what you’re wearing. This is the uplifting friend that boosts your ego especially on Monday’s. Joy. FRIEND

Those super cute tan heels that were so comfortable and looked fabulous the first three times you wore them. Then the heel broke off. And no amount of duct tape or super glue can fix them. These are the friends that are the classic flakes. They seem so promising and incredible and too-good-to-be-true because they are. They are the ones that constantly cancel last minute and don’t give a great reason. (I’m sad to say this is the group where I fit in.) No joy. DEFRIEND

Your favorite pair of cozy socks is the friend that knows everything about you but loves you anyway. FRIEND

Those tight jeans that you haven’t been able to wear in years because you can’t breathe while wearing them. This is the friend that sucks all your energy and gives nothing back. No joy. DEFRIEND

That sports bra that always does the job is your biggest supporter. Joy. FRIEND.

The pretty bracelet that turns your wrist green is the person that is best described as “toxic.” Those people that bring you down, and it physically shows. No joy. DEFRIEND

Your favorite scarf represents the person in your life that gives the best hugs. You know who I’m talking about. Lots of joy! FRIEND

The old T-shirt you’ve had for way too many years, and although it’s faded, it’s still your favorite because of all the memories attached. This is your friend that you have countless stories and shared memories. You might not see them often, but just the thought of them warms your heart. Lots of joy. FRIEND. Make sure you call that person tonight.

The I-paid-lots-of-money-but-they’re-totally-worth-it sneakers is your friend that pushes you to be better in the best ways. They inspire you. Encourage you. Oh, the joy! FRIEND 

FRIEND - But let’s take it one step further, every friend you decide to keep in your life, the friends that truly add value and bring out the best in you, take that list and add them to your calendar. One of my Personal Commandments is “Live Like There Is No Later.” Don’t wait. Start texting each friend and make plans to meet with them.

DEFRIEND - I know “defriending” sounds harsh, and it is on some levels, but if you are the average of the five people you hang out with most, do you really want these people in your life? And I know that cutting people out of your life is easier on Facebook than it is in real life especially if they are coworkers or family, but try to find a way to spend a minimum amount of time with them. It’s like pruning a plant. It might be painful, but it is necessary for you to grow.

Look at these lists- your list of friends and defriends. Take these lists, and as Gretchen Rubin says, “Do what ought to be done.” Make sure your friends make it on your calendar this month or next. And defriend where necessary.

I hope this works for you, and I hope this makes you just a little bit happier.

Decluttering My Life From the Inside Out

"The lack of organizational tools isn't the problem; the overabundance of stuff is." -Emily Ley

In my last post, I wrote about remaking my life from the inside out inspired by Present Over Perfect.  Afterward, I mulled it over in my mind some more before I came to the realization that I actually don't want to remake my life.  I love my life the way it is.  I have a wonderful husband, a fabulous family, an incredible job, and I live at the beach for crying out loud.  Why would I want to remake my life?  I don't.  I do, however, want to declutter my life from the inside out. 

I recently decluttered my I-know-I-have-too-many-but-at-least-it's-not-as-bad-as-my-mom's shoe collection.  I went through each pair one by one.  Why in the world did I hang on to those black high heels that always rubbed blisters so I never wore them?  Why did I still have those pink flip-flops that I've had since college and literally have holes in the soles?  I was ruthless.  I cleared out a garbage bag full of shoes I don't wear anymore and walked outside to put them in my car to donate before I could get sidetracked.  When I came back inside, I looked at the shoe rack on the back of the door and smiled proudly at my accomplishment of only having shoes I love and actually wore.  The one pair that I couldn't bring myself to part with was my pair of Jessica Simpson red high heels that I begged for on my 18th birthday.  Yes, it's ridiculous to keep a pair of shoes for well over a decade, but they still make me happy to look at. 

I was so proud of myself for this tiny victory that I want to declutter every aspect of my life.  I want to focus on the who, what, when, and where of my life and get rid of anything that is simply taking up precious space and be left with only the things that bring value and joy to my life. 

Let's declutter our minds while we declutter our closets.  Let's purge our hearts while we purge our t-shirt collection.  Let's clean out our lives while we clean out our desk drawers.  As Karen says, "This is an inside job."  Let's get started.

Remaking My Life From the Inside Out Part I

You can eat all the kale,

Buy all the things,

Lift all the weights,

Take all the trips,

Trash all that doesn’t spark joy,

Wash your face and hustle like mad,

But if you don’t rest your hope

And your soul in Jesus,

You will never find

Peace and Purpose.

Have you ever read a Bible verse that made you feel like getting struck by lightning, getting a blindfold lifted from your eyes, and getting punched in the stomach all at the same time?  Did that verse have the word “hypocrite”?  This verse did.  On Saturday morning during my morning Bible reading, this verse jumped out at me:

Matthew 23:25-26 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.”

The Message version reads, “You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony. Stupid Pharisee! Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something.”

Ouch.  Did you feel that?

I have been very open about my Happiness Project that I am working on this year focusing on one area of my life one month at a time.  I am starting the year off by focusing on Energy in January by eating healthier, exercising, and decluttering my house.  I’ve been going to the gym three days a week, cutting out fast food, binge-watching Marie Kondo, idolizing Joanna Gaines, reading Emily Ley, and cutting out articles from Real Simple Magazine.  None of these things are bad, of course, but the main part I am leaving out is decluttering and energizing my heart, my mind, and my soul.  I want to focus on what’s inside me as much as I am focusing on what’s on the outside.

I strongly identify with Shauna Niequist in Present Over Perfect, “I tried all the outside ways first – I imagined the changes I need to make were about time management, or perhaps having the cleaners come more often. I quickly found out it was not about managing time or housekeeping.  It was not about to-do lists or scheduling or minutes and hours.  This journey has been about love, about worth, about God, about what it means to know Him and be loved by Him in a way that grounds and reorders everything.”

Shauna’s friend gave her some life-changing advice, 

“Stop. Right Now. Remake your life from the inside out.” 

Ouch.  Did you feel that?  How many times have I been convinced that everything will be better once AB&C are finished?  I will be less stressed when this event is over.  I will have more time for fun when I make more money.  Does any of this sound familiar? 

Right now, I am sitting on my couch with my two puppies trying to figure out HOW to do this.  How do I declutter my life – not just my closets?  Maybe it is as simple as cleaning out my closet.  Simple.  Not easy.  When you clean out your closet, you completely empty it then take inventory.  You keep the items that make you happy and make you feel pretty.  You toss out the items that no longer fit, that are worn out, that you completely forgot about, that you should’ve thrown out years ago, and that no longer serve a purpose in your life.  You happily hang up the clothes that are only your favorites then proudly march your giant garbage bags of clothes to donate to your front door. 

Isn’t that the best feeling?  There is nothing left except for joy and happiness.  A weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and you vow to never let your closet get that chaotic again.

Now let’s see if we can’t declutter our hearts and minds in a similar way.  Let’s take everything out and examine the inventory.  What needs to stay?  What needs to go?  What serves a purpose?  What should’ve been cut out of your life a long time ago?  What brings you happiness and peace and laughter?  What only brings anger, frustration, or guilt? 

This week I’m going to explore this crazy method.  I want to look at the Who, What, When, and Where of my life and start decluttering.  I will be honest with you.  I haven’t done this, and I have no idea if it will actually work, but I figured it’s worth a shot. 

I want for you to share with me what is working for you, any ideas you have, or even if you think I’m on the right track.  We can try this together, and hopefully, this will make our lives just a little bit happier.

Adventure is Adventure - But You Have to Look for It

Jim Dale said, "Adventure is adventure wherever you find it." But to find it, you need to look for it, especially in the unexpected places.

My parents along with my Aunt Helen and Uncle RD drove down on Saturday to have lunch with us.  It made me so happy to see everyone and spend time with them so I wanted to make the most out of their one-day adventure.  I love being a tourist in my town with so many options for fun.  Dolphins are my absolute favorite so I'm always excited for a chance to go to Gulf World.  On the other hand, there are very few things in my opinion that are as fun as feeding Chase, the giraffe at Zoo World.  Or we could ride the Sky Wheel in Pier Park and get a great view of our beautiful spot of paradise, although my husband refuses to ride it with me after a little misadventure on the High Roller in Vegas.  But that's a story for a different day.

Trying to come up with more options during lunch at Granny Cantrell's, I thought of the perfectly unexpected but brilliant idea: I was going to take my family to Lucky's Market.  They were definitely confused on why in the world we would go to a grocery store especially right after eating lunch, but they were kind enough to go along with it.  After we walked inside, I just sat back and watched the magic happen.  My mom looked around and said, "OH!!! It's like Trader Joe's! Now I see why you like to come here!"  It was so funny to watch my family get so excited over little things like banana milk, agave nectar, and almond butter.  There were vegetables we had never heard of and other ingredients on the shelves that we had only seen on The Food Network.  They walked up and down every aisle always finding something new and exciting. 

Yes, it was silly and random to take my family to a grocery store, but I had the best time watching these grownups be like kids in a candy store.  If you are looking for something fun, you don't have to make a grand plan with expensive outings and well thought-out itineraries.  You can have fun wherever you are; you just have to look for the fun.  Turn boring into an adventure.  Laugh at yourself.  Enjoy yourself.  Let yourself be a kid.  And maybe, just maybe, you'll be just a little bit happier.

My Happiness Project

I have learned a lot from Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, but something that has truly made an impact on my life recently is,

"What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while."

How simple and true!  Going for a 10-minute run every day is more beneficial than running 10 miles once a month.  Showing up on time for work every day is better than showing up an hour early once a week.  I am working to implement this truth into my everyday life, and I have been focusing on creating my very own happiness project.

Usually, we make a giant list of resolutions on New Year's Day to lose weight, spend more time with family, go on vacation, get out of debt, get a promotion, volunteer more, run a marathon, etc, etc etc, and we get overwhelmed by January 4th so we give up.  Does that sound familiar?

The Happiness Project takes a different approach.  The gist of the happiness project is breaking goals down into more attainable, tangible, achievable tasks.  I am going to be focusing on one area of my life each month and creating a short list of resolutions to keep to go with it.  For example, I am focusing on energy in January.  We joined a gym and started cleaning out our closets.  In March, I plan to focus on health and get a physical and checkups at the dermatologist and dentist.  I have printed out resolutions charts to help me keep track of my progress filled with checkmarks for good days and X's for not-so-great days. 

I have also created 12 Personal Commandments to follow.  My personal commandments are unique rules just for me.  For example, Rule #9 is "Something is better than nothing."  There are so many situations when I want to do a giant kind gesture, but I get overwhelmed so I end up doing nothing.  Sending a card just to let someone know you're thinking of them is better than the good but failed intentions of cooking them a five-course dinner.

It's never a bad time to start your own happiness project!  Follow this link: https://gretchenrubin.com/resources/  so you can download lots of helpful printouts, order Gretchen Rubin's books, listen to her podcast, follow her on social media, or download her app.  She gives practical, helpful tips on how to be happier and more productive, and maybe, just maybe, it can make your life just a little bit happier.

Below is my happiness project along with my list of personal commandments in case you are interested.

We Will Go to the Gym Nonetheless

Excuse the Lord of the Rings humor.  These are the random thoughts that pop into my head while I'm battling the evil elliptical machine. Don't judge me.

So we are one week into 2019. How are you doing on your goals so far? Crushin' it? Killin' it? Showin' those goals who's boss?

In the words of Bing Crosby, I am "somewhere between 'ouch' and 'boing'." Looking at my resolutions chart filled with check marks for good days and x's for not-so-good days, it's far too easy to stare at the multiple x's and feel like a failure then call it quits.  

Here is how I'm doing so far this year:

Here's a little encouragement for you:
Don't let the PERFECT be the enemy of the GOOD.

Give yourself some grace. There's nothing wrong with trying to improve yourself, but don't be so focused on your shortcomings that you can't give yourself a gold star for your little victories.  Don't be so discouraged thinking you won't be able to reach your goal weight by Valentine's Day that you decide to just stop working out.  Don't let the columns full of X's make you doubt your capabilities.  You still have 51 weeks to rock 2019! 

If you would like a resolutions chart, the one I used is from Gretchen Rubin's website.  Here is the link: https://gretchenrubin.com/resources/ 

Cupid & Jesus

One of my favorite things to do with Ben is to listen to audiobooks in the car.  It gives us a shared experience and something to discuss, and it also solved the problem of what music to listen to.  We take turns choosing books, which leads to both of us listening to books we would have never picked out. I had no idea I would love Jurassic Park, Ready Player One, Unbroken, or 13 Hours, but they were surprisingly among my favorite books of the year.  Some of my favorite books that I chose were Case for Christ, 1984, Catch Me If You Can, and the Wonderful Wizard of Oz.  Our reading list is all over the place, but it keeps it interesting and fun, especially when both of our jaws dropped and hearts stopped because there is a television hidden behind the painting in 1984.

My latest choice was Edith Hamilton's Mythology, which I read as a high school freshmen in Mrs. Johnson's class.  This class and book awakened a love for Greek mythology that I have treasured and enjoyed ever since.  I even quoted "Cupid and Psyche" in my wedding vows.  But it has been a while since I picked the book up, and I also wanted to help Ben understand my love for it by hearing the stories.  I hope this goes without saying, but just for the record, I am a Christian, and I believe in the One true God.  But I find the stories of Greek mythology fascinating and fun.

In the first chapter, the author is listing all the major gods and goddesses the Greeks believed in such as Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon, but then it goes on to discuss some of the lesser gods including the god of love, Eros, better known as Cupid.  Plato is quoted saying, "Love - Eros, makes his home in men's hearts, but not in every heart, for where there is hardness he departs.  His greatest glory is that he cannot do wrong nor allow it; force never comes near him.  For all men serve him of their own free will.  And he whom Love touches not walks in darkness."

"Huh.  It sounds like he's talking about Jesus," I told Ben.  After reading it again, I can see where you can easily replace "Love" with "Jesus."  "[Jesus] makes his home in men's hearts, but not in every heart, for where there is hardness he departs.  His greatest glory is that he cannot do wrong nor allow it; force never comes near him.  For all men serve him of their own free will.  And he whom [Jesus] touches not walks in darkness."

This is an extremely random thought, but that's how my little A.D.D. brain works. I hope this little random thought makes your day just a little bit happier.

Question for the day: What is on your reading list for 2019?  What are your secrets to reading more?