Define "Fun"

“What’s Fun for Other People May Not Be Fun for You–and Vice Versa.” – Gretchen Rubin

Ben planned the perfect Costa Rican honeymoon for us when we got married. He planned some great excursions including an ATV tour, zip lining, horseback riding, a water slide, and hot springs. My excitement turned to guilt when I had a huge, sudden panic attack before getting on the zip line. I don’t like heights or going fast, and I had been zip lining in Ecuador so I already knew this was something I don’t enjoy. But I begged Ben to do it without me because I knew he would love it. Our guide asked if I wanted to try again, and when I told him no, he asked if I wanted to go find a toucan instead. “YES! That’s exactly what I want to do.” Even though I was happy when I got to see a toucan, I felt so guilty, and I wanted to be the kind of girl that enjoys zip lining and adventures. Unfortunately, that is not something I can change about myself.

Some people enjoy being social every night of the week. Others prefer to stay home and watch Netflix instead. Some people define fun as skydiving, but others define fun as finding a new bookstore. Some couples enjoy a date night at a romantic restaurant while others like to watch football and eat wings for date night. Not everyone likes jazz music or basketball or historical fiction books or mango.

Everyone was created differently with different interests, desires, passions, and ideas of fun. And that’s okay. That’s the beauty of this thing called life. This is what keeps it interesting.

While I’m a fan of trying new things, don’t try to force yourself to love something that you simply just don’t. On that same note, don’t call someone crazy because they don’t have the same interests or hobbies you do. The one exception is for people who like chocolate mint. That stuff is gross! LOL! And I feel sorry for the people who aren’t as cool as me and enjoy a weekend of binge-watching M*A*S*H* or Harry Potter. I’m totally kidding. But seriously.

So the next time someone mentions that they love Italian food, don’t respond with, “Ewe I hate Italian food. Chinese food is way better.” Instead, say something like, “I didn’t realize you love Italian food. That’s interesting. My favorite is actually Chinese.” You’re saying the same thing but in a way nicer way. If someone mentions they are a big fan of a sport you hate, find out why they love it, and you might be surprised to find out.

While we don’t agree on everything, I think it’s important to learn and respect each other’s interests and passions. Define "Fun" for yourself and run with it. Learn about other's versions of fun, but give yourself a big dose of grace if you don't enjoy it as well. I hope this makes your day just a little bit happier.

Identify the Problem

One of Gretchen Rubin’s personal commandments is “Identify the problem.”  The example that she used in The Happiness Project was her unwillingness to hang up her coat in the coat closet, but she figured out that she just hated the time it took to put it on a hanger.  The solution was to hang the coat on a hook on the back of the door.  Simple enough, but it took Gretchen taking a moment to put the effort into identifying the problem in order to identify the solution. 

One of my biggest problems is keeping our bedroom clean.  It will be perfect and tidy and gorgeous and awesome, but a week later, it will be a total wreck.  So I spent last Saturday cleaning the room, and I took a minute to purposefully sit on the bed and try to identify the problem of why I can’t keep it clean. 

The problem: I try on 3-4 outfits in the morning almost daily, and everything I don’t wear hits the floor, and I tell myself I don’t have time to hang them back up right then.  After that, I’m convinced the piles of clothes reproduce while I’m at work.

The solution:  I spent about 30 minutes trying on clothes and prepared 6 different outfits for the workweek (I created an extra just in case) including shoes, jewelry, and a sweater (dressing in layers is my favorite since I’m always cold).  I hung all the outfits up on and put them on a separate rod. 

Result: Having the outfits already planned out for the week not only saved a ton of time and stress, but I am proud to say that our bedroom is still clean!!  When I get home from work or the gym, I take a moment to hang the clothes back up or add them to the laundry hamper.  Done. 

Bonus perk:  Because I take the time to plan out my weekly wardrobe, I actually look and feel more put-together.  Plus, it eliminates those moments that usually happen around 1PM where I look in the bathroom mirror and realize my outfit doesn’t even come close to matching. 

I have also discovered that if we spend less than 10 minutes on Sunday planning out our dinners for the week, it saves us so much time and stress, and we don’t have the usual “so what do you want for dinner?” conversations. 

What are some tips and tricks you have used that you have that have worked after you took the time to identify the problem?  Feel free to share because you never know who could use it.

I hope this helps you in some way, and I hope it helps make you just a little bit happier.

WHAT: Decluttering My Life From the Inside Out

“Simplified living requires purposeful stewardship of each day.” –Bill Hybels, Simplify

Now that you’ve cleaned out your closet of Who’s, let’s take a look at our What’s.  Grab your 2018 calendar or planner.  Go through each month and write down how you spent your time last year.  Carve out at least an hour to really dive into this. 

What are some activities or adventures that you enjoyed?  What is on your 2018 calendar that you don’t want to creep onto your 2019 calendar?  What were the goals that you accomplished?  What were some goals that you didn’t accomplish last year but want to try again this year?  What happened on the days you were most productive or the happiest?

What needs to happen more?  What needs to happen less? 

Let’s take a look at our closet of What’s:

First, there’s that beautiful blue dress that’s perfect for your skin tone and always gives you the confidence to conquer the day.  This is your favorite role at work or at home.  The task that you look forward to doing, and you know you will rock it.  For example, mine is to meet with Karen to discuss our calendar for the week, our prayer time together, and planning our Monthly Meetings.  JOY.

Now let’s take a look at those black ballet flats. They look deceivingly comfortable, flexible, and drama-free, but they always rub the worst blisters on your feet. The blisters heal, and you wear them a few weeks later hoping they will work this time.  This is a task that you need to delegate to someone else or give it up somehow.  You always think you can handle it, but it always brings nothing but stress and anxiety. No Joy.

Take out that incredible black dress that makes you look sensational, but you say you’re saving it for a special occasion that never comes.  This is the vacation you’ve been saying you will take for years and years.  Look at your calendar and book it now.  (Pro tip: always purchase the travel insurance.) JOY.

Back to your shoes. Those classic black pumps that always make you feel fabulous no matter what you’re wearing.  This is your favorite hobby.  Whether you get to spend one full day or one full hour on it, you always feel better.  JOY.

                                                                                                                                         

Those super cute tan heels that were so comfortable and looked fabulous the first three times you wore them. Then the heel broke off. And no amount of duct tape or super glue can fix them. No Joy.

Your favorite pair of cozy socks is the small comfort like a cup of coffee or the five-minute devotional that gives you that peace to make it through the day. JOY.

Those tight jeans that you haven’t been able to wear in years because you can’t breathe while wearing them. This is the job or the task that drains all your energy and isn’t worth it.   No joy.

That sports bra that always does the job is your favorite planner. JOY.

Squirrel:  Do you prefer online calendars or good, old-fashioned calendars you can write in?  Let me know in the comments!

The pretty bracelet that turns your wrist green is the person that is best described as “toxic.”  That thing you’re doing because it looks good on a resume, but it stresses you out and drains you. No joy.

Your favorite scarf is a lunch date with a friend.  You instantly feel better and are excited for the rest of the day. JOY.

The old T-shirt you’ve had for way too many years, and although it’s faded, it’s still your favorite because of all the memories attached.  What is one thing you have done for years that makes you happy?  A favorite movie?  A favorite blanket?  A favorite hobby?  JOY.

The I-paid-lots-of-money-but-they’re-totally-worth-it sneakers are your friend that pushes you to be better in the best ways.  What is the “what” in your life that fires you up and fills you up with passion?  Spend more time doing that “what.” JOY.

Make a list of all the “what’s” in your life then, as Gretchen Rubin says, “Do what ought to be done.” We all have tasks that we don't enjoy, but if there's something that doesn't bring you happiness and you can delegate or stop doing it, get rid of it.  The "what's" that fill you up with joy, add them to your calendar this week, this month.  Be intentional.  If you want more happiness in your life, add more happiness in your calendar. 

I hope this works for you, and I hope this makes you just a little bit happier.

WHO Pt 2: Decluttering My Life From the Inside Out

"The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of 60 minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is." C. S. Lewis

My niece just turned four.  FOUR!  It is so crazy to think that she was just repeating the word "bubble," and now, she is FOUR!  If life keeps flying, I want to be more intentional with how I'm spending my time and who I'm spending it with.

Still keeping with the theme of Decluttering My Life From the Inside Out, I want to continue to focus on decluttering the people in my life.  I've heard you are the average of the five people you hang around most.  If that is true, then I definitely would like to be more selective of the people I am around. 

Let's do an activity together: Write down a list of the five people that are closest to you. Now make notes beside each person. What are their strengths? What are their weaknesses? Are they a fountain or a drain in your life?  Do they bring positivity or negativity to the table?  Do they bring out the best or worst in you?  How do you feel while you're around them?  Do they make you feel special and valued?

Now write down the list of the five people you WANT to hang around and WHY.  What can you learn from them?  How can they add value to your life?  What uniqueness draws them to you?  What characteristic do you love most about them?

Don't worry. You're not getting graded. This isn't going on social media. And you can shred this later if it will make you feel better.

Look at these lists- your list of friends, defriends, and the five people you are closest to. Take these lists, and as Gretchen Rubin says, “Do what ought to be done.” Make sure your friends make it on your calendar this month or next. And defriend where necessary.  Life is too short to hang around people who bring you down.  Let's be intentional about spending more time with our true friends and lifting each other up.

I hope this makes you just a little bit happier. 

WHO: Decluttering My Life From the Inside Out

"Present over perfect. Quality over quantity. Relationship over rushing. People over pressure. Meaning over mania." - Shauna Niequist

I would like to start decluttering my life by decluttering the WHO just like I declutter my closet.

If you are following the popular Marie Kondo method, you go through each item one by one keeping only what sparks joy and tossing everything that does not bring you joy. We do this with our clothes so let's try to do this with our friends.

Now let’s get started.  Grab a piece of paper and a pen.  Go to your “closet” of friends, put them in a pile, and go through each one. Let’s go through them one by one and divide them into two categories: Friend and Defriend.  I actually go through my Facebook friends while doing this.

First, there’s that beautiful blue dress that’s perfect for your skin tone and always gives you the confidence to conquer the day. This is your friend that is your biggest cheerleader that always sends you the perfectly-timed “You can do it” text. Joy. FRIEND

Now let’s take a look at those black ballet flats. They look deceivingly comfortable, flexible, and drama-free, but they always rub the worst blisters on your feet. The blisters heal, and you wear them a few weeks later hoping they will work this time. These are the friends you want to keep in your life, but they hurt you over and over again. They cause nothing but drama and pain. No joy. DEFRIEND

Take out that incredible black dress that makes you look sensational, but you say you’re saving it for a special occasion that never comes. This is your amazing friend that you keep telling, “We definitely need to get together soon!” But “soon” never happens. Joy. FRIEND
{Add that person to your calendar right now. This week if possible.}

Back to your shoes. Those classic black pumps that always make you feel fabulous no matter what you’re wearing. This is the uplifting friend that boosts your ego especially on Monday’s. Joy. FRIEND

Those super cute tan heels that were so comfortable and looked fabulous the first three times you wore them. Then the heel broke off. And no amount of duct tape or super glue can fix them. These are the friends that are the classic flakes. They seem so promising and incredible and too-good-to-be-true because they are. They are the ones that constantly cancel last minute and don’t give a great reason. (I’m sad to say this is the group where I fit in.) No joy. DEFRIEND

Your favorite pair of cozy socks is the friend that knows everything about you but loves you anyway. FRIEND

Those tight jeans that you haven’t been able to wear in years because you can’t breathe while wearing them. This is the friend that sucks all your energy and gives nothing back. No joy. DEFRIEND

That sports bra that always does the job is your biggest supporter. Joy. FRIEND.

The pretty bracelet that turns your wrist green is the person that is best described as “toxic.” Those people that bring you down, and it physically shows. No joy. DEFRIEND

Your favorite scarf represents the person in your life that gives the best hugs. You know who I’m talking about. Lots of joy! FRIEND

The old T-shirt you’ve had for way too many years, and although it’s faded, it’s still your favorite because of all the memories attached. This is your friend that you have countless stories and shared memories. You might not see them often, but just the thought of them warms your heart. Lots of joy. FRIEND. Make sure you call that person tonight.

The I-paid-lots-of-money-but-they’re-totally-worth-it sneakers is your friend that pushes you to be better in the best ways. They inspire you. Encourage you. Oh, the joy! FRIEND 

FRIEND - But let’s take it one step further, every friend you decide to keep in your life, the friends that truly add value and bring out the best in you, take that list and add them to your calendar. One of my Personal Commandments is “Live Like There Is No Later.” Don’t wait. Start texting each friend and make plans to meet with them.

DEFRIEND - I know “defriending” sounds harsh, and it is on some levels, but if you are the average of the five people you hang out with most, do you really want these people in your life? And I know that cutting people out of your life is easier on Facebook than it is in real life especially if they are coworkers or family, but try to find a way to spend a minimum amount of time with them. It’s like pruning a plant. It might be painful, but it is necessary for you to grow.

Look at these lists- your list of friends and defriends. Take these lists, and as Gretchen Rubin says, “Do what ought to be done.” Make sure your friends make it on your calendar this month or next. And defriend where necessary.

I hope this works for you, and I hope this makes you just a little bit happier.

Decluttering My Life From the Inside Out

"The lack of organizational tools isn't the problem; the overabundance of stuff is." -Emily Ley

In my last post, I wrote about remaking my life from the inside out inspired by Present Over Perfect.  Afterward, I mulled it over in my mind some more before I came to the realization that I actually don't want to remake my life.  I love my life the way it is.  I have a wonderful husband, a fabulous family, an incredible job, and I live at the beach for crying out loud.  Why would I want to remake my life?  I don't.  I do, however, want to declutter my life from the inside out. 

I recently decluttered my I-know-I-have-too-many-but-at-least-it's-not-as-bad-as-my-mom's shoe collection.  I went through each pair one by one.  Why in the world did I hang on to those black high heels that always rubbed blisters so I never wore them?  Why did I still have those pink flip-flops that I've had since college and literally have holes in the soles?  I was ruthless.  I cleared out a garbage bag full of shoes I don't wear anymore and walked outside to put them in my car to donate before I could get sidetracked.  When I came back inside, I looked at the shoe rack on the back of the door and smiled proudly at my accomplishment of only having shoes I love and actually wore.  The one pair that I couldn't bring myself to part with was my pair of Jessica Simpson red high heels that I begged for on my 18th birthday.  Yes, it's ridiculous to keep a pair of shoes for well over a decade, but they still make me happy to look at. 

I was so proud of myself for this tiny victory that I want to declutter every aspect of my life.  I want to focus on the who, what, when, and where of my life and get rid of anything that is simply taking up precious space and be left with only the things that bring value and joy to my life. 

Let's declutter our minds while we declutter our closets.  Let's purge our hearts while we purge our t-shirt collection.  Let's clean out our lives while we clean out our desk drawers.  As Karen says, "This is an inside job."  Let's get started.

Remaking My Life From the Inside Out Part I

You can eat all the kale,

Buy all the things,

Lift all the weights,

Take all the trips,

Trash all that doesn’t spark joy,

Wash your face and hustle like mad,

But if you don’t rest your hope

And your soul in Jesus,

You will never find

Peace and Purpose.

Have you ever read a Bible verse that made you feel like getting struck by lightning, getting a blindfold lifted from your eyes, and getting punched in the stomach all at the same time?  Did that verse have the word “hypocrite”?  This verse did.  On Saturday morning during my morning Bible reading, this verse jumped out at me:

Matthew 23:25-26 “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you cleanse the outside of the cup and dish, but inside they are full of extortion and self-indulgence. Blind Pharisee, first cleanse the inside of the cup and dish, that the outside of them may be clean also.”

The Message version reads, “You’re hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You burnish the surface of your cups and bowls so they sparkle in the sun, while the insides are maggoty with your greed and gluttony. Stupid Pharisee! Scour the insides, and then the gleaming surface will mean something.”

Ouch.  Did you feel that?

I have been very open about my Happiness Project that I am working on this year focusing on one area of my life one month at a time.  I am starting the year off by focusing on Energy in January by eating healthier, exercising, and decluttering my house.  I’ve been going to the gym three days a week, cutting out fast food, binge-watching Marie Kondo, idolizing Joanna Gaines, reading Emily Ley, and cutting out articles from Real Simple Magazine.  None of these things are bad, of course, but the main part I am leaving out is decluttering and energizing my heart, my mind, and my soul.  I want to focus on what’s inside me as much as I am focusing on what’s on the outside.

I strongly identify with Shauna Niequist in Present Over Perfect, “I tried all the outside ways first – I imagined the changes I need to make were about time management, or perhaps having the cleaners come more often. I quickly found out it was not about managing time or housekeeping.  It was not about to-do lists or scheduling or minutes and hours.  This journey has been about love, about worth, about God, about what it means to know Him and be loved by Him in a way that grounds and reorders everything.”

Shauna’s friend gave her some life-changing advice, 

“Stop. Right Now. Remake your life from the inside out.” 

Ouch.  Did you feel that?  How many times have I been convinced that everything will be better once AB&C are finished?  I will be less stressed when this event is over.  I will have more time for fun when I make more money.  Does any of this sound familiar? 

Right now, I am sitting on my couch with my two puppies trying to figure out HOW to do this.  How do I declutter my life – not just my closets?  Maybe it is as simple as cleaning out my closet.  Simple.  Not easy.  When you clean out your closet, you completely empty it then take inventory.  You keep the items that make you happy and make you feel pretty.  You toss out the items that no longer fit, that are worn out, that you completely forgot about, that you should’ve thrown out years ago, and that no longer serve a purpose in your life.  You happily hang up the clothes that are only your favorites then proudly march your giant garbage bags of clothes to donate to your front door. 

Isn’t that the best feeling?  There is nothing left except for joy and happiness.  A weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and you vow to never let your closet get that chaotic again.

Now let’s see if we can’t declutter our hearts and minds in a similar way.  Let’s take everything out and examine the inventory.  What needs to stay?  What needs to go?  What serves a purpose?  What should’ve been cut out of your life a long time ago?  What brings you happiness and peace and laughter?  What only brings anger, frustration, or guilt? 

This week I’m going to explore this crazy method.  I want to look at the Who, What, When, and Where of my life and start decluttering.  I will be honest with you.  I haven’t done this, and I have no idea if it will actually work, but I figured it’s worth a shot. 

I want for you to share with me what is working for you, any ideas you have, or even if you think I’m on the right track.  We can try this together, and hopefully, this will make our lives just a little bit happier.