WHO: Decluttering My Life From the Inside Out

"Present over perfect. Quality over quantity. Relationship over rushing. People over pressure. Meaning over mania." - Shauna Niequist

I would like to start decluttering my life by decluttering the WHO just like I declutter my closet.

If you are following the popular Marie Kondo method, you go through each item one by one keeping only what sparks joy and tossing everything that does not bring you joy. We do this with our clothes so let's try to do this with our friends.

Now let’s get started.  Grab a piece of paper and a pen.  Go to your “closet” of friends, put them in a pile, and go through each one. Let’s go through them one by one and divide them into two categories: Friend and Defriend.  I actually go through my Facebook friends while doing this.

First, there’s that beautiful blue dress that’s perfect for your skin tone and always gives you the confidence to conquer the day. This is your friend that is your biggest cheerleader that always sends you the perfectly-timed “You can do it” text. Joy. FRIEND

Now let’s take a look at those black ballet flats. They look deceivingly comfortable, flexible, and drama-free, but they always rub the worst blisters on your feet. The blisters heal, and you wear them a few weeks later hoping they will work this time. These are the friends you want to keep in your life, but they hurt you over and over again. They cause nothing but drama and pain. No joy. DEFRIEND

Take out that incredible black dress that makes you look sensational, but you say you’re saving it for a special occasion that never comes. This is your amazing friend that you keep telling, “We definitely need to get together soon!” But “soon” never happens. Joy. FRIEND
{Add that person to your calendar right now. This week if possible.}

Back to your shoes. Those classic black pumps that always make you feel fabulous no matter what you’re wearing. This is the uplifting friend that boosts your ego especially on Monday’s. Joy. FRIEND

Those super cute tan heels that were so comfortable and looked fabulous the first three times you wore them. Then the heel broke off. And no amount of duct tape or super glue can fix them. These are the friends that are the classic flakes. They seem so promising and incredible and too-good-to-be-true because they are. They are the ones that constantly cancel last minute and don’t give a great reason. (I’m sad to say this is the group where I fit in.) No joy. DEFRIEND

Your favorite pair of cozy socks is the friend that knows everything about you but loves you anyway. FRIEND

Those tight jeans that you haven’t been able to wear in years because you can’t breathe while wearing them. This is the friend that sucks all your energy and gives nothing back. No joy. DEFRIEND

That sports bra that always does the job is your biggest supporter. Joy. FRIEND.

The pretty bracelet that turns your wrist green is the person that is best described as “toxic.” Those people that bring you down, and it physically shows. No joy. DEFRIEND

Your favorite scarf represents the person in your life that gives the best hugs. You know who I’m talking about. Lots of joy! FRIEND

The old T-shirt you’ve had for way too many years, and although it’s faded, it’s still your favorite because of all the memories attached. This is your friend that you have countless stories and shared memories. You might not see them often, but just the thought of them warms your heart. Lots of joy. FRIEND. Make sure you call that person tonight.

The I-paid-lots-of-money-but-they’re-totally-worth-it sneakers is your friend that pushes you to be better in the best ways. They inspire you. Encourage you. Oh, the joy! FRIEND 

FRIEND - But let’s take it one step further, every friend you decide to keep in your life, the friends that truly add value and bring out the best in you, take that list and add them to your calendar. One of my Personal Commandments is “Live Like There Is No Later.” Don’t wait. Start texting each friend and make plans to meet with them.

DEFRIEND - I know “defriending” sounds harsh, and it is on some levels, but if you are the average of the five people you hang out with most, do you really want these people in your life? And I know that cutting people out of your life is easier on Facebook than it is in real life especially if they are coworkers or family, but try to find a way to spend a minimum amount of time with them. It’s like pruning a plant. It might be painful, but it is necessary for you to grow.

Look at these lists- your list of friends and defriends. Take these lists, and as Gretchen Rubin says, “Do what ought to be done.” Make sure your friends make it on your calendar this month or next. And defriend where necessary.

I hope this works for you, and I hope this makes you just a little bit happier.